“God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble.” Submit yourselves, then, to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you. James 4:6-7
I am forced to admit the truth that there is much in life I’m powerless to change. But that doesn’t mean I have to like it. I know that ultimately God is in control of everything; of every breath I take, of every beat of my heart. Why is it so hard for me to admit I am powerless? I think it comes from fear, a sense that it is unsafe to not be in control of a situation. Or maybe pride, which is just a denial of fear.
This is where my faith becomes more than theory. When I am so weak that walking to the kitchen leaves me pouring sweat and gasping for breath, faith requires me to accept that God allows this, and willingly submit. Not the external submission of an unruly child who resentfully does what she is told, but the trusting submission of a heart that knows she can trust the One who loves her.
God isn’t enjoying my suffering, or punishing me for my misbehavior. He doesn’t delight in my discomfort. He simply calls me to trust him and love him no matter what the circumstances. He wants me to trust him enough to believe that no matter what happens to my physical body, my soul is safe with him for all eternity.
I’m clearly still a work in process on this whole trust vs. control issue, which is why I organize drawers. I’m a sucker for all those organizing gadgets; the Container Store is my toy store. Few things cheer me up as much as a well organized drawer, even when I know it won’t stay that way for more than a day. Just the process of sorting items into neat little piles, and putting those tidy piles into symmetrical containers makes me feel better. I am queen of my domain, even if my kingdom is just the kitchen junk drawer.
This is my dirty little secret, the sin I hide in my heart. When circumstances feel frustratingly out of my control, I organize some meaningless corner of my world. Others may think it is admirable [or odd?] that I know exactly where to find a paper clip or rubber band, but I know that deep down it is my way of rebelling against reality, of clinging to control and denying God his throne. In the meantime, though, please take a peek at my junk drawer, before someone messes it up…